The Greatest Invention of All

There was a time in my life when I thought Little Debbie Nutty Butty bars were the greatest invention of all time. Chocolate and peanut butter combined into the ultimate road trip food. What could be better than that?

Today, I may have to bump young Miss Debbie to second place and nominate the stretchy material that is appearing more and more often in the pants I choose to buy. My pants look like jeans. They feel like jeans. But they secretly are empowered with a magic stretchy material that allows me to wear a size smaller and still breathe. Genius!

Today I am wearing a particularly flattering pair of grey cropped pants which are … YES! … a size smaller than the ones hanging in my closet from last year. I want to grab an empty soup can and a string and shout “They fit!” I have received several compliments, not to brag, on these pants. And, privately, every time I stand up or sit down I am praising the creative genius who thought of adding the stretchy magic material so that my comfort is assured.

But have no fear Little Debbie. I may have cut back on your decadent offerings of chocolate and peanut butter so that I might one day soon buy a pair of jeans which lack the magic stretchy material. But, know this … I look forward to the day when I am behind the wheel, driving to an anticipated destination and I reach for one of your snacks and think “I really should have put these in the cooler.”

7 Things Moms Shouldn't Have to Do

I know that as a mom I am often called upon to make sacrifices, carry the extra load, place my own desires and wishes behind those of my kids. But there are some things I should not have to do. Who's with me? Here's my list, numbered but in no particular order.

1) Pick up wet towels off the bathroom floor. There has been a towel hamper in the same spot for at least two years. The bathroom is small. It's not that hard.

2) Get socks out from between the cushions of the couch or any other piece of furniture in my home. I don't want to touch your feet; I don't want to touch things that have touched your feet; and I don't want to smell anything that has touched your feet and been wadded up for days with sweat permeating through the fibers.

3) Flush after someone else. Enough said.

4) Wipe up pee from the tile around the toilet bowl in the boys' bathroom. Remember when you were young and I put Cheerios in the water for you to hit? Today, I'll just be happy if you hit the water.

5) Ask more than 15 times for your clothes to be picked up in your room. Here's a hint: if you have to sleep on the floor, on top of clothes, because the pile of clothes on your bed is too high for you to traverse, it's time to CLEAN YOUR ROOM.

6) Take your laundry from the washing machine and place it in the dryer before I go to bed because you were playing video games earlier and didn't wash the clothes in a timely fashion. I'm sure once you put your wet uniform on the next day it will dry before the 7th inning is over.

7) Do all the dishes by hand at night, go to work the next day and come home to find dirty dishes on the table, on the counter, in the living room, in the bathroom, on your dresser, inside the mailbox and accompanying a dirty pair of socks in the cushions of the couch.

Perhaps I have babied my children. Perhaps their habits are a reflection of my poor parenting skills. Perhaps one day they will grow up and not do any of the above. And perhaps ...

Wait, my son just came back into the room to put his OWN uniform into the dryer. Perhaps I should have him read #3?